So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
