guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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