god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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