btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
