Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
