The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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