yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
