I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
