Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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