I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think my fart just growled at me.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
