2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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