I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.