If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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