I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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