I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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