Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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