We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
