His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
