I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
