shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
