I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
