My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
