Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
