I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
