She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
