Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
