just come out here and I will go home with you...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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