I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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