i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
