mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to calm my uterus...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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