I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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