mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
ok first of all what the fuck
try to milk me bitch
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