My brain says no but my pants say off.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
