I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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