he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
