May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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