This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My brain says no but my pants say off.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
