Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
