This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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