New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize