This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
