If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am naked and annoyed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
