A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
