i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
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AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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