ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
