I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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