I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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