Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i think i just lost a toe
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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