God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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