It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
