you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize