I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
