well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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