yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
