Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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