Can Purell be used as lube?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
