look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
