I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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