I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, beer. Big fan.
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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