Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
