when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
