We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
