He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
