I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
