I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
