so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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