I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
