you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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