so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
