...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
