dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
